Antony's Lambasted Encomium

by Jahid A. Wilson Jr., AGE 17, South Carolina, USA

Jahid Wilson Jr. is a writer living in Irmo, South Carolina. Naturally blunt and unwilling to sugarcoat his opinions, Wilson has no qualms about dipping into his more vulgar repertoire to depict an experience for his readers to see what he sees, feel what he feels, and know what he knows. His writing has been described by his peers as Shakespearean, in the sense that it's prolific: he is driven to constantly create. Wilson says that his writing is akin to painting and uses eloquent language to paint the most vivid and crisp images for his readers. His writing often focuses on exploring the perspectives of others, allowing Wilson to indulge in pretending to be a different person with philosophies and viewpoints that differ from his own. Below is an example of his writing.

Antony's Lambasted Encomium

Let it be known that I stand here before you—

the restless masses so eagerly waiting my every word—

as a proxy for a universal constant: the truth.

Coveting land from its rightful owners,

brutalizing those who worship nature deities,

sequestering them to compartments,

a far cry from their previous spacious dwelling areas.

But we are the greatest country on Earth.

Home to hordes of hypocritical bigots and

ignoramuses who fought with every ounce of sweat,

blood, and tears for emancipation of oppressors

only to brandish that same whip of despotism

against those who simply wished for equality.

Allowing tolerance and not acceptance for religion,

you may pray to your god,

as long as his name is J-E-S-U-S.

You may wear clothing common of your faith,

as long as it isn’t a turban or you will be detained

by Homeland Security under “cause for suspicion.”

This isn't a threat; it is coercion dressed up in lingerie,

blatantly exposing itself an inch from the truth.

If you don’t submit, then we will gladly burn down

your mosques and synagogues with Glasgow smiles

carved onto faces.

But do not forget: we are the greatest country on Earth

and we have earned that title.

We are better than Middle Eastern countries,

because here in the land of the free women have rights,

they aren’t property.

There’s only a tiny catch: Dress in a manner that’s too revealing

and be branded a distracting slut, but if you cover yourself up,

you’re a stick in the mud who doesn’t know how to have fun.

Another tiny catch: Don’t dare try to make a name for yourself,

there’s always a man to do the job with more efficiency,

so get back in the kitchen and prepare a meal for your husband,

and be ready to please him and pop out his offspring at his leisure.

Remember your place in the greatest country on earth,

you lifebringer, carrier of children, but never anything more.  

Besides being the greatest country on Earth,

we are also the most forgiving!

Manhandling passengers on flights—that’s ok to do!

Letting our officers murder any and everyone,

we’d never publicly mourn the death of a nigger—they’re just monkeys anyway.

Allowing the abominable queers who contradict our man-written Bible to breathe

is only a snippet of the tenderness we have in store for those who

dare to step outside of the hypocrisy woven in the fabric of our founding.

Prioritizing test scores to pay for a teacher’s salary,

labeling 1/10,000 geniuses as ADHD hyperactive gremlins,

preparing each generation to work that 9–5 schedule,

teaching curriculums forgotten by week two of summer vacation.

Who cares if our youth know how to budget their money,

pay taxes, or understand socio-economics, geopolitics, or climate change?

Here in the greatest country on earth you need none of that

as long as the periodic table is memorized and you know

that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.

Remember: we are the greatest country on Earth,

and no one would disagree.  

Where no one cares about the state of society,

more concerned about whether another

Democrat or Republican gets into office,

blinded by the notion, “I’ll vote for whoever my party picks

so that I can say ‘we’ won.”

We elect incompetent “pussy grabbers” as commander-in-chief

in the greatest country on Earth.

We reward corruption and bigotry with fame and wealth

in the greatest country on Earth.

We lie about supplying weapons to gangs to keep the violence circulating

in the greatest country on Earth.

We sneak addictive drugs in to destroy entire communities

in the greatest country on Earth.

We profit off of poverty to keep paychecks rolling

in the greatest country on Earth.

We glorify the oppression and erasure of entire cultures

in the greatest country on Earth.

We make sure legislation gets it passed that NFL teams get fined when a bunch of niggas start kneeling on the field because that’s a flag down, but can’t do jackshit to stop the school shootings that seem to happen every damn week like bloody Saturday morning cartoons.

But that only happens here, in the greatest country on earth.

So, let’s all be falsely proud Americans!

Let us toast to every splendid occasion to honor the society

built upon liberation from domination and freedom to those

who are white, straight, Christian, rich, and men in the

the Unitedly Divided States of Rich White Man’s America.

For we are the greatest country on Earth.

And if you dare dispute this egomaniacal claim,

a cesspool of hatred, misogyny, racism, close-mindedness,

and an ineffectual government, we will use the Second Amendment

and blow you to Kingdom Come

with four to the chest and two to the face.

Only to smile at a trial of white peers to give me

a maximum of 5 years with a chance of parole

for first degree murder.

GOTDAYUM! There’s nothing better than living in the greatest country on Earth!

God Bless Amerikkka—

And don’t forget to spell it with three Ks.